This was difficult to write

I promised myself I’d post something today, so here goes.

Of course, I predicted correctly. What was an exciting new project turned intimidating in a matter of days. Last night I caught myself thinking “My next blog post needs to be amazing”.

Still, a couple of things differ from the usual paralysing anxiety. Since I’ve decided to keep blogging despite the discomfort of letting people read my writing, I have an easier time actually starting to write. I know now that even if I don’t like the result, I’ve made myself a promise that I don’t want to break. So I just write and see where it takes me.

I also notice a slight shift in my attitude towards writing about different topics. Usually I doubt whether my writing could do any subject justice, but knowing I can force myself to write about this makes me wonder if I can force myself to write about other things, too. Y’know, without trembling at the thought of not knowing exactly what to say.

I didn’t know what to say when I started writing this, but I’m still enjoying it. Worries about whether the writing is clear, concise and in my own voice still niggle at me, but I’m ignoring them and letting my thoughts flow a little more freely. As I become more comfortable with time, I suspect I won’t be constantly editing as much either.

It’s a weird project, this. For once I feel like my worries can’t stop me, because the whole point of this is to write through the worries. The biggest challenge will undoubtedly be to publish this, and I’m excited to see how I’ll feel. Relieved that I actually published something? Embarrassed that it’s not a stunning piece of prose? Experience says both.

‘Til next time!

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