Saturday Despair

Oh, how I’ve been ignoring this blog. Not that I’ve forgotten it. In fact the thought of it has constantly stirred the guilt in my stomach.

I know what happened: it became a chore. Letting people read my bad writing lost its appeal. Because why would anyone keep reading this? Right now I can’t see its value beyond training myself to keep writing.

I’m pushing out words now. Just forcing myself to keep saying something so I won’t stand still. Dance, dance, dance. Just keep dancing. Today I tried freewriting for ten minutes – hardest thing I’ve done in a long time. Losing control like that scared me half to death. I like to think before I write, but then when I just want to write without knowing what, I get completely stuck at the thinking stage.

Sometimes I wonder if writers ever just let the words flow out of them without regard for anything other than to keep writing. Does that make the writing better or worse? Does it make editing even harder? Does thinking before you write actually improve the writing? I have no idea, and right now it’s killing me. I feel so lost.

Thank God I’ve still got journaling.

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